This, my friends is what I always had a picture in my head of how a mother should be. A perfectly set table with perfect food, a super scrubbed down house and children cleaned, well-behaved and pleasant to be around. In my mind the perfect mother arises at 5 am and gets ready for the day - make-up'd, hair done and dressed well for whatever may come about for the day. Ooops I forgot the exercising before the getting ready for the day. After which the perfect mother would fix a very nutritious breakfast and feed and get the kids ready for school and looking sharp and neat. After the children leave for school I see this perfect mother do dishes, and all chores such as laundry and other cleaning of any kind. She would run all the errands - grocery store, doctors appointments, bills, etc. The kids would come home from school and she would have a nutritious snack waiting and she and the kids would sit around the table and she would help with homework. Dinner preparation would be in the works along with the children busy doing chores so that a perfectly clean and sparkly house would be awaiting her husband upon his arrival. When hubby comes home and this perfect wife has dinner set and ready to go, which of course is a nutritious and filling dinner and beautiful to look at as well. After dinner all the dishes are done and the kitchen is again sparkly and clean. The children would then be reading and reading until bath time, prayer and scripture time and finally all children are in bed by 8:30pm and the perfect mother can relax. This relaxation comes in the form of picking up all of the messes from the day, personal scriptures/prayers, intimate time with hubby and preparing for the next perfect day!!
Well after typing all of that this is what I feel:
WOW! I do wish I could actually pull that off, but as I have said many times to Devin - "I need a wife!" that is just not going to happen in my life right now. I don't think I would be as happy as I think I would be. Of course I am not happy in my chaotic life now - so I am certain there is a happy medium.
I watched Oprah today and they were talking about Mommy Moments - REAL Mommy Moments. This was like Confessions of a real Mom in Real life. I could really relate to many of the things some of these Mom's confessed about. One Mom confessed that she had threatened to take anything and everything that her child cherished most and throw it away or take it away until they obeyed - DONE THAT! Another Mom confessed to hating mornings as well as getting her children up and going in the morning - DO THAT EVERYDAY! Some things that I haven't done that were shared - While driving on the road on a trip while her kids slept this Mom didn't want to stop and have them wake up so she used a diaper to go to the bathroom while driving - No WAY!! Another Confession - Not feeling maternal towards my baby - NEVER THAT (but I know some who have - NO JUDGMENT!!).
Here are some of my own MOMMY CONFESSIONS:
1. I do not get up and make breakfast for my kids before school. They have breakfast at school when they feel like even eating breakfast. (We are not BIG breakfast eaters anyways, REALLY).
2. I sometimes cry when I want my kids to listen to me (another Mom shared this on Oprah too). It works - I can't do this one often now that they are older, but I do from time to time.
3. I have freaked out in front of my kids on a number of occasions, which by the way is NOT a good idea. They really get scared and I wasn't trying to get them to listen to me I was just MAD or Frustrated.
4. I have over slept just so I wouldn't have to get up and do anything. This is a sign of depression (which I do have so it is a real excuse, but not one I am proud of).
5. I hate cooking, and mostly cause I hate to clean up the mess (again, I need a wife).
I will stop, because this does make me feel quite uncomfortable. It is hard for me to confess these things, because I do feel ashamed about not being a more perfect Mom. It really hurts to know that I have contributed to my children in negative ways that may or may not affect them in the future. I have fallen short in SO MANY WAYS, and I admit that I have felt like I was THE ONLY ONE who has felt or gone through what I was or am. I am hard on myself and I am reminded by a song that I LOVE SO MUCH that I need to be more GENTLE WITH MYSELF...
The song is called "Gentle" and it is by Michael McLean (He is awesome!):
Like a gentle wind can blow
The clouds from the sky,
Like a gentle touch can ease
The pain of good-bye,
Like a gentle smile embraces
Empty souls in lonely places,
We should be more gentle with ourselves.
Like the friend who gently
Builds us up when we’re down,
Like a gentle kiss can turn
Our world around.
We've been hurt by others often;
We’ve been forgiven and forgotten;
We should be as gentle with ourselves.
Life can be hard but we
Need not be so hard on ourselves,
If we will see…
Like the Shepherd leads his flock
With gentle commands,
With his gentle voice that
Only hearts can understand,
One thing we can know for certain,
He has borne the awful burden
So we can be gentle with ourselves.
One thing that I know for certain:
He will bear my every burden,
So I can be gentle with myself.
Enough Said.
4 comments:
There is no such thing as a perfect mother. If that were true, there would be a whole lot of orphaned children because their moms were sent straight to heaven. And now you know why I am still living.
Ahh the "perfect mother". I hope to meet her someday. I'd ask how she managed to go potty alone (ok I totally used the word POTTY when I wasn't talking to a 3 yr old. Something's wrong with me!) and why she screwed up all the rest of us moms because we're trying to live up to her legacy. I might smack her too. j/k!
And here's my confession (you may have heard it before): Aaron is really lazy when it comes to packing a lunch. I cannot afford to buy school lunches anymore and havent' for a while. Anyway, if he doesn't pack a lunch or sucker me or his brother to make one for him he doesn't eat. Sometimes he will pack a pop tart or a graham cracker (refer back to laziness part) because it's quick and requires no effort other than picking it up and placing it in a bag. When he broke his arm and was at the hospital they asked when he ate last. He told them he ate a tootsie pop for lunch. They asked why not a real lunch and he said because I didn't have any money. The nurse then turns to me and gives me a MAJOR stinkeye with raised eyebrows questioning my parenting skills. I told her he's responsible for his own lunch and she dropped the brow but continued the judgemental look.
Seriously-he's old enough to pack his own nutritional lunch...errrr poptart, whatev.
p.s. You rock with that picture! You made my day girl!
Hey Cami! I really enjoyed this post. I am in the same boat with you! I am glad to know there are other "imperfect moms" out there :o) By the way....I think you are a GREAT mother to your children!
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